I don’t remember always being clairvoyant, but I’ve been told quite often as an adult, that I’m “scary psychic.” Of course, I’m not actually psychic, but I do have a sharp intuition, and a heightened awareness of my surroundings, and I pride myself on being highly observant. I had the luxury of attending Psychology and Sociology classes in high school and college, in addition to the independent study hours I’ve racked up for free, and live by some mundane philosophies where society is concerned. I’ve been called Liberal, Conservative, Communist, Socialist, Progressive, and crazy. I have loved men and women. I have connected closely with people of other races. I own a fire arm. I believe in free education. I believe in the death penalty. I believe in equal pay and consideration in the work place. I would fight any day for the rights of those around me, because I believe we all have a duty to each other, to take responsibility in our happiness. If you want to live a happy long life, don’t cause waves. There isn’t enough of a focus on how our actions affect others, and that is the key to a happy life. If we are good to each other, and not selfish for the things we can own, there is less of a need for things like the death penalty. But we are not there yet, and religious persecution is still a deadly business, and people are still being sold and traded and raped and killed and abandoned and poisoned and disenfranchised, and women still don’t have equal rights. If you love the wrong person, you don’t have equal rights either; even if you are a white, college educated male in his mid 20s, you are not entitled to those rights if you love another man. We are far from where I thought we would be. There is no way we could have predicted that we would be here. My ideals don’t come anywhere near the reality that is alive around us, and it’s getting increasingly tricky to know what is going to come next. The best we can do, is prepare ourselves, educate, strengthen, and care for ourselves and each other.
When I have moments of clairvoyance, I tend to act like it’s a magic trick, when I know it’s just me being highly observant and my intuition being sharp, as I mentioned before. But sometimes, I question whether it isn’t magic? I’ve predicted deaths, births, and even a specific old man (in a crowd of people) being rushed to the hospital. It’s never something I brag about, and I don’t do it on command, or anything like that. Sometimes, I don’t even like when I’m “right” about things I’ve said. It gets creepy, and sometimes I think I jinx myself into bad luck situations with my jinxer mouth.
The first time I really remember seeing into the future, was when I was about 10 years old. My brother was at a baseball game, at a school in another town, and my sister and I went walking on the trails in the woods behind the school. We walked up to a small clearing with a boulder in the middle of it, and a Walkman* was just sitting there on the boulder, all unsupervised. We both paused, my sister and me, because we had obviously never encountered a better surprise than this before (we totally did one time after, though). Before approaching the rock, we decided what tape would be awesome to find in there, and since it was 1991, I said “Dr. Feelgood” by the incomparable Motley Crue. I don’t remember what my sister said, but it doesn’t matter, because it was “Dr. Feelgood.” I opened the Walkman, and I said “What the fuck!” I couldn’t believe I had told the future! And it was about a tape I wanted! And a Walkman!
If you’re wondering how that ended, my dad saw me (happy and had to extinguish the happiness as quickly as possible) and was like “Hey, what did you steal this, or something?” and I was like “No way. I found it.” And he didn’t believe me, so he took it and probably found the rightful owner, I bet.
If you’re wondering about that time we found a better surprise than that, it was in Florida, when I was I think 15 years old. My dad took us to Universal Studios somehow, and he was dicking around in a gift shop for the free A/C for like 75 minutes. My sister and I stood outside by one of those planted trees with the potted soil that is waist-high on a grown man, and I leaned against the cement pot, and found this huge wad of money. It was an insane amount of cash just sitting in that dirt, because it probably fell out of some asshole’s pocket when he didn’t deserve it anymore. I’m talking like, $500. So, because I knew I would never be able to spend one cent of it without my dad finding out and accusing me of mugging someone since I’m Oliver fucking Twist now, I gave my dad the money.
I didn’t want to.
I handed over the money, and he said “Hey, what’s this?” I don’t know, maybe I stole a lot when I was really little, and he was just working off patterns. But he wasn’t nice, even though I did the “right thing” whatever that was. He found the rightful owner right after that, I bet.
That wasn’t a clairvoyance story, but I guess you could say it was a signs story. That was part of the title of this chapter, too. Look at the top of the page. See? Told you.
Anyway, it was a sign that my dad would never believe anything I said, so I might as well just never say anything to him again. That’s a metaphor for life, and a symbol of forgetting what you were saying in an effort to bring the title back into the whole thing.
So, I work off symbols and I look for meaning where there is none. I get told that a lot. I think too deeply about things. “You’re going to cause something to happen because you’re thinking about it so much!” I swear that is something I have been told. One place where I’m really crazy, is advertising. I listen to radio commercials, and I say “Who wrote that fuckin jingle?” Seriously. “How did they cast the singer for that jingle they wrote, and how did nobody object to how annoying and underproduced it sounds?” I think about the commercials for kids’ toys and snacks, and I picture the casting for those kids, and what the green room must be like. Essentially, they have to get to know the other kids on a weird level, because they have to be familiar with them, but not too familiar, because it’s just a commercial and you’ll forget about them in two weeks. When the producers talk shit about the kids – because you know they do – I wonder what they say? I would love to hear some of that hot mic feed. I hate print advertising, especially logos, because I always think they’ve included some secret message in there, and I make a whole side story about the company, in order to justify it. I can’t say for sure that some of it might not be true.
People say “Stop thinking too much into things.”
And then I see 14 posts on facebook about “45 Company logos that you didn’t know had hidden meanings!” How am I supposed to think everything is the polished end result we see on television, and nothing more? That’s why I go looking for shit. Because sometimes I find it.
That’s another reason why I look like I’m psychic: because I dig on everything. I’m not always successful, but the more you dig, the more times you hit success, and when you start to rack up the sheer numbers, you look as though you experience more “hits” than the average person, and therefore, you must be clairvoyant.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t predict the near future quite a bit, and have no explanation for how it happened. It goes beyond the common predictions of the next song that will play on the radio, or knowing when someone would call. I know what people are going to say next, so often it’s become almost boring and annoying to my family. I solve the Wheel of Fortune puzzle before any letters are shown, I shout out the correct response to Final Jeopardy before the clue is even given, I tell them I know what they’re going to ask/say in many situations, and am usually correct.
If you pay attention to the universe closely, it gives you clues, and all you need to do is fill in the blanks. In that way, I can be clairvoyant. But I think anybody could do that. I just make it look really impressive.
*a walkman is like an ipod, but it had batteries that you could change out, and you could put tapes in it, or listen to the radio on it.