I hate how bad I am at correspondence.
I don’t call people as much as I should, I don’t even really text people to see how they’re doing. I feel like facebook has done this to me, because I used to be a letter writer. I would write letters about nothing, just random jibber jabber, but I would send it out, and the recipient would know that I was thinking about them. I don’t do that now, mostly because I know what everyone is up to, thanks to social media. And they know how I’m doing. So the letters are almost obsolete to today’s society, but I miss them.
I had an infection in my right hand awhile back, after a burn refused to heal properly, and the muscles have deformed. I can’t hold a writing utensil properly, or force my muscles to create smooth strokes on the paper, and it’s frustrating. I used to be praised for my beautiful penmanship, and now everything I write comes out like a 2nd grader wrote it.
Don’t get me wrong; I am thankful for the continued use of both my able hands. I just wish I could write more than one sentence without giving up. I hate crossing things out when I mess up, and I do it all the time now. I can’t afford to just start over again, because I would have a stockpile of essentially blank paper crumpled up on my floor. So I write emails.
I hate writing emails where a handwritten letter is appropriate. While I recognize that it’s even worse to say nothing at all (because an email isn’t enough), I sometimes let it go that way. I feel that I will just crank out an ugly thank-you note that is unpleasant to look at, and I never know what to say. I mean, I say Thank You, but again, that’s not enough. I let my standards keep me from saying “I appreciate you” to people who really deserve it.
That all being said, I have a confession to make. Over the holiday season, I received so many shipments of art supplies for my daughter’s art room, a gift that I was trying to set up for her with little resources. The outpouring of love and generosity had me in tears every time I saw the name of a stranger on a large package on my porch, because I knew it was full of supplies that would facilitate my daughter’s future in art, and support for her from the community which she would one day become a part. I was THANKFUL. But I still haven’t gotten through the thank-you notes. It’s so far past the holidays, that I now think it’s too late. I have half-started notes that turned ugly, and I gave up on them, but I still want those people to know that I truly am grateful.
It’s my goal to finish writing the notes, and show my appreciation for those who helped in such an important time. If you’re one of the contributors, please please please know that not a day goes by that I don’t beat myself up for this failure to deliver. I am a work in progress.